Introduction
Hello and welcome to the Nice-ish Ramblings Podcast with me the Nice-ish Psychologist. And today, for the first time I am not alone. How lucky are you? At long last you don’t have to contend with just me and my bullshit. Today I have a guest: the ever thoughtful, calm, and compassionate Alex Holmes. I won’t say too much about who he is as he introduces himself later in the episode; but this episode is essentially what I envisioned when I used the word “ramblings” in the title. We were meant to have an hour-long chat, and it ended up being closer to two hours, purely because we really got stuck into the conversation and it went where it went despite having a structure. As a result, I have cut this chat with Alex into two parts, with this episode being the first of the two.
Without giving too much away Alex and I take a very existential look at masculinity and ask some very big “why” questions that will hopefully start to unpick the rigid nature of how we currently understand masculinity and femininity. I will release the second half in the next episode.
Just to say, I have listened back to this and the only issue with me not writing a podcast script is that I am nowhere near as coherent as I like to be. There are times when I use one word when I mean another word – this is literally my life. Coupled with that, not only is Alex for more eloquent, he also has a much better microphone than I do, so there are some parts where the sound quality from my side gets a little sketchy – I’ll look into buying a better microphone. But anyway, enough bullshit from me - for now please enjoy part one of my chat with Mr Alex Holmes.
I am still working on the transcript for this – it will be up in the next few days, thank you for your patience.
And there you have it. Part one of my and Alex’s discussion on the future of masculinity. Like I said at the beginning of the episode it was a very existential chat, which hopefully provided some food for thought about the current conceptualisation of masculinity and some of its flaws. Hopefully it has also given some insights into how we can perhaps move forward in rethinking what it means to be a man in today’s modern age, and how we can start to challenge the norms surrounding what we have always been told we have to do and how we have to be.
This discussion is not the be all and end all of these kinds of discussions – there are definitely things that Alex and I did not touch on or did not cover enough or at all – it is also possible that we have missed the mark on some things. And I know Alex won’t mind me saying, but if you want to get in touch with either of us to share your thoughts on what you have heard today, please do. Alex is generally active on Instagram, his handle being @byalexholmes. And although we did not focus on it too much in this episode (it forms part of our larger discussion in the next half of the chat) you can check out Alex’s book, “Time to Talk: How Men Think about Love, Belonging and Connection”. I have recently read it and found it really insightful. You can also get hold of me on Instagram, just search for The Nice-ish Psychologist. I’m also on Twitter, although only God knows why.
Thanks for listening, and if you liked what you heard, please like, share or subscribe wherever you get your podcast. And make sure you tune in for part two of this chat, which I will release…at some point soon(ish).
As always, have a good day, or not, whatever, no pressure.
Further Reading
Is Masculinity Toxic – Andrew Smiler
The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida
The History of Masculinity: From Patriarchy to Gender Justice – Ivan Jablonka
Time to Talk: How Men Think about Love, Belonging and Connection – Alex Holmes
4: "Toxic Masculinity" Part 3 - Asking the Big Questions about Masculinity with Alex Holmes